On being a mom.

I've been a mom for a little over two months.  You know what the NUMBER ONE thing I've learned is?

I am selfish.

I am selfish.

When a little baby's existence depends only on you, it's somewhat mind-blowing.  The things you must do in order to make sure his needs are met becomes a long list.  But I love it.

Motherhood is hard.  Whoever says it's not needs a good kick in the rear.  And the thing is, it'll only get harder.  My little man can't even say anything, he can't talk back, he can't tell me he hates me or that he won't do this or that..but it's still hard.

I am selfish. On days when I don't want to get out of bed to soothe him, on days when I don't feel like holding him while he sleeps, on days when he fights sleeps like it's his job, I am selfish.  I would rather be blogging, I would rather be at TJ Maxx trying on new boots for fall, I would rather be cooking up the latest recipe on Pinterest. 

And then there are days when I'd rather be doing NOTHING else but holding him, or changing his diaper, or playing on the floor with him.

On the best of days and the worst though, I have learned how much I want it to be about me. 

and it's not. 

It's not only about W either, though.  It's about Christ.



How he gives us grace when I feel like the most horrible mom in the world.  He gives us grace when I snap at the husband for not getting out of bed quick enough to pick him up.  When I want to cry because he won't sleep and I'm exhausted and get irritable. I still have grace.

There is always grace to start over again.  I love that. It's such a beautiful picture of the cross and how Jesus showed grace to every single person. God's grace is with me every second of every day.

I will mess up.  I already have. But I will also do great.  Remembering that is so important.

Motherhood is more than making sure he gets fed or changed or making sure he met this milestone on this day.  It's about finding the strength that you didn't know you had, it's about relying on God like you never thought possible, it's about trusting your intuition and instincts.

On the hardest days, I'd not trade it for the world.  And I'm so thankful for this thing called grace.

because man do I need it.