This week has been that week for me. Nothing really happened that made my whole week suck, but just the combination of W not sleeping great, me going to bed way to late, drama at work, ( ughhh), and hubby working long long days/going to school twice a week until 10pm. It's easy to get down in the dumps but that's why I'm writing it all down... Once I hit 'publish', the pity party is over, okay?
I sometimes feel guilty for not being able to stay at home with Winslow. I know millions and millions of moms work, and full time at that, but I feel like my calling is to be a full time mom. I've never had that career mindset and I just want to be there and watch my children grow. I don't want to miss one single thing, and even though I work only part time, it gets to me sometimes. Especially when my hours are all wonky and always changing. I feel like once we have good routine down, things change and we are back at square one. Sigh.
I have such a great respect for moms who work full time. And you know what? Some moms are better moms because of that. I know that everyone is different and just because you choose to work outside of the home does NOT mean you are less of a mom. In fact, you are superwoman in my eyes because sometimes I can barely get my butt out the door at 10am. Oh yeah, and can't forget the breast pump, the toys or the baby.
One day I know I'll be able to stay home, and I am so thankful for my husband who is working hard to make that happen. I know this is just a season, but I still get all pouty faced when I think about it too much. Which is obviously me right now. Ha.
Also we are getting ready to put our house on the market. Yep. We may be moving to Timbuktu(well anywhere he gets offered a job) come August. When hubby graduates with his masters in trust and wealth management, we will more than likely hit the road. Wherever the Lord leads us. And of course, where he can make some money too. I know I only have one kid, and he's semi- immobile right now, but decluttering and painting and repainting and getting junk together for a yard sale all while working and being a momma, and a good wife can be challenging. Once W goes to bed, all I want to do is grand the Talenti Gelato and stuff my face while watching Parenthood. (That show is legit!)
But I have to clean the house and get everything ready for the next day. If I'm lucky, I'll sit for a couple minutes and stalk peeps on Instagram.
I guess this whole post is a bunch of me worrying about uncertainty. Where will we be in 5-6 months. Will I get to stay at home. Will our house sell. Will we find another one. Will we know anyone wherever the heck we move. Yada yada yada.
The good thing is, God is never uncertain. He knows our future and has a better plan than we do, for sure.
Just gotta keep reminding myself that.
Pity party over.
Now for some pretty funny going ons from the past week:
Mohawk man.
And this fella is chillin'.
Yes. I just went there.
Wow..I just wrote a very similar post (I'm slowly entering the blogging world - ha!). First, I want to say I really enjoy your blog. You are so positive and encouraging and that's a great thing to find in a blogger. :) My son is almost 9 months old and I too have been struggling with feeling guilty working. I would love to be stay-at-home mom too, but it's just not possible for us right now. I do get to work from home 2 days a week and I cherish those days with my little man, but then I feel guilty for getting distracted with checking my work emails. But I have to remind myself how lucky I am to only work in an office 3 days a week. Some days/weeks are hard and I think you are right, it's okay to say it sucks sometimes. I know we can beat ourselves up as mothers, but just know you aren't alone and you are doing a great job! And you are right, God is in control and has a plan for all of us. Best of luck with everything. You have a beautiful heart and family. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the sweet comment. It made me feel so much better. Hope to keep in touch! xoxo
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