A letter to my son.

Dear Hogan,

One year ago today, we woke up early to head to the hospital.  I had been having contractions the day before on and off all day.  We left our house as a family of three and would come home as a family of four. You came to us just 3.5 short hours after labor started and it was the most beautiful experience I've had in my life so far.

What you may not know right now is that you were prayed for for a long long time.  You are my rainbow baby-the perfect and bright rainbow after a storm.  We lost a baby in between you and your big brother Winslow, and I never knew if I could carry another healthy pregnancy.  The Lord showed up constantly and whispered to me "You will be okay, Kait. I've got your baby in my hands."

I remember SO well the exact moment you arrived.  I remember the complete and utter JOY I had once you cried your first cry.  Seth looked at me and we just sobbed.  You were perfect, with ten toes and ten fingers and BLONDE hair!  I remember thinking to myself "You look just like your brother but blonde!"  and I was just so happy you were safe and sound.  I remember just staring at you and tears were rolling down my face because of the sweet sweet redemption the Lord allowed me to have through you.  You are mighty and special, little Hogan.

My favorite thing to see in you throughout this year is your relationship with Winslow.  You adore him and he makes you laugh like no one else can.  You LOVE staring at him all day and will follow him around everywhere.  I love that you have a big brother who you'll always look up to.

You are the sweetest and cuddliest little guy and love kissing me and laying your head on my shoulder.  In the morning when I come get you out of your crib, you jump up and down and "ba ba ba ba" at me until I scoop you up and shower you with kisses. Goodness, writing this out just makes me want to go get you from your crib and cuddle you.

You're not walking yet or really even standing on your own, but that's okay with me! I know that when you do start walking, you will be SO hard to stop.  You are into everything and you keep me on my toes every day.  Sometimes when it's too quiet around the house when big brother is at school, I can find you with a mouthful of (i'm sad to admit this) DOG FOOD.  For some reason, you just love Darla's dog bowls.  You next favorite thing is reading, and I'm so happy for this.  Me and your daddy are both big readers and I hope you love to read for a long long time.  You are an eating machine, and you really do eat more than your brother does.  Your favorites are: bananas, blueberries, spaghetti, eggs, turkey and cheese, and sweet potatoes.  The only thing that you really don't like is strawberries or squash.

I love being your momma, so much.  I am so lucky that God has entrusted me with your little life.  You are such a light and I pray one day you will understand just how much I love you.

We will spend all day loving on you and celebrating you- I cannot wait to read these letters to you when you're old enough to understand.  The main reason why I write down these things is because I want you to have memories of your childhood. I want you to be able to read the happy, the sad, and the fun times you all had.

You are so very special, my little Hogie Bear.  And you are so loved.  Happy 1st Birthday.