12 August 2019

A letter to my Kindergartener.

Sweet boy,

The day is here! Your very first day of Kindergarten. The days ahead will be filled with long hours away from me, homework, and the start of lifelong friendships.  We have talked about this day for a long time, and even though I have so many mixed emotions about this day, I know you are SO excited.  Today is the start of an entire lifetime of learning. From the time you were born until now, you have spent almost all of your days with me.  In fact, we've only been away from each other maybe 4 days total.  Today will be hard because I am having to let go of my firstborn, my baby boy.  I am having to learn how to let you fly!  And dang-it, that's not easy.

I will pray today, and everyday, that you will have courage.  That you will be brave and kind.  That you will stand up for yourself and others that need a voice. I pray that you will find the intense love of learning within you that your dad and I have. 

  A wonderful world awaits you, sweet boy, and I cannot wait for you to see all that it has to offer.  Do you know what this also means, though?  The "baby years" are coming to a close.  You will start to need me less and less and I can't decide if I want to sob or swell with pride at the boy you are becoming.  You make me so proud to be your mommy. (And yes, you still call me that and I will cry when it stops!)

It has truly been such a joy having you as my helper and my sidekick. I know five (almost six!) years isn't a whole lot, but we have truly had the best time together. You made me sick as a dog when you were in my belly.  I still worked full-time and had to run to the bathroom in between clients to throw up.  I slept in until 1pm on the weekends because you would keep me up all night kicking my ribs!

Then you arrived swiftly(six hours from start to finish!) but on your own time.  Let me just day, NINE days late seems like NINE HUNDRED to an overdue hormonal pregnant momma. #41weeks3days

Then breastfeeding was HELL.  It wasn't easy, fun or enjoyable.  It took a good 6 weeks for me to not cringe when it was feeding time.  Thankfully, we stuck it out and you nursed for 16 months.  Can we also remember how you wouldn't take a bottle and I was back at work while my precious mother-in-law had to SPOON FEED you milk at 3 months old?  I told you, you do things on your own time!

You slept great and were the sweetest, most content baby so you made up for it.  Fast forward two years and you became a big brother!  I still remember the day you came to the hospital room to meet baby Hogan and I cried because you were now a HUGE toddler and big brother.  But you filled that role so well, and still do.  You are so patient and loving to Hogan and Silas.  They adore you.

When you were 4.5, you gained another brother and you helped me so much in those early days.  Playing with Hogan, bringing me diapers, buckling car seats.  You still do that for me!

Not only are you a Kindergartner now, you will be six years old in a week! You are growing up right before my eyes.  It seems unfair, that time takes away my baby like that.  But it's also a privilege to watch you mature and take in the world around you.  The sparkle that you get in your eye when you figure something out on your own, when you read to me and nail a big word, when you fly a kite, or finish a LEGO set, or catch a lizard.  Those small moments of childhood are the ones I hope you remember.   

And we survived it all-and we grew. And now, it's time for me to let go of my little boy and watch him grow on his own.  As much as I want to keep you little, safe, and mine forever, I am looking forward to watching you figure out this next step in your journey.  You will soar.  Remember I am always in your heart.  I love you past the moon, sweet boy.



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